La Carretera

I begin by waxing poetic -

Eighteen Hours A Day
Highway, How You Transfix Me
My Ass Is So Sore

I hoped you all enjoyed my Haiku. New Year's Resolutions - Write more Haikus. Awesome... I am such a doer!

Yes, yes... I am in the midst of my ever dreaded (and sometimes loved) sprint from Los Angeles to Cancun to begin my 4th season leading tours in Mexico. Oh how the time flys... and when you're driving... Oh how the time laaaaaaaaggggs on!

Left LA on Sat. in the midst of some of the most Ass weather that they have encountered in ages (freezing temps) and it seems as thought the weather followed me! Drove 18 straight hours the first night... LA to Van Horn, Texas. Van Horn is a gem, let me tell you. Nothing there but 22 hotels, meth-heads and dirt (sorry if I offend and of my Van Horn readers). After a crappy night sleep at the cousin of a Days Inn Express I had a short drive (8 hours) to San Antonio. There, as I posted in my last entry, I stayed 2 nights at my buddy Mike's house. Always nice to chill out with Mike and his family. The most gracious of hosts, they have put me up for the past couple years each time I pass through. And they always take me out for a delicious dinner - this time a blue cheese covered filet! Thanks so much again.

Then on Tues. began my Mexodus. I left in the midst of a winter storm warning. It had been raining for a couple of days and then the temperature dropped below freezing. In Wisconsin we call this Tuesday. In San Antonio on the other hand they treat it like a terrorist attack. I left in the morning thinking it would be a quick jump to the highway that took me to the border only to find out that they had closed the highway. They had closed all the highways! So I had to scramble down frontage roads and side streets to make my way south. Finally made it after too much time (and a little slidin's I must admit) to 35 south and cruised to Nuevo Laredo.

Got to the border early afternoon and there were a couple of hiccups there that prevented a smooth crossing. Most of my problems came from a mustachioed border control agent that had it out for me. He had a furrowed, "Bert"-style unibrow and was treating me as if he just discovered that I was a mule trying to smuggle pellets of black tar heroin in my belly. But of course I wasn't... I just was trying to sort out the paperwork to get my van across legally. After a little shimmy-sham-sham I was able to dance my way around the problem and crossed la frontera at about 4 pm.

I was a little behind schedule but things were working out ok. Until about 5 hours later. I had just made my way around Monterray and was heading south towards Saltillo when a mucous thick fog enveloped the Van. Couldn't see 15 feet in front of me. Not the type of weather that you want to encounter when you're driving through the mountains! I couldn't see the road signs and because of this took a wrong turn that shot me into Saltillo and off the highway to Mexico City. I was spun around through detours and side streets... completely lost! And what made matters worse was... It started snowing! Here I am 6 hours south of the border and it's snowing on my me. My sprint was turning out to be less "Easy Rider" and more "The Day After Tomorrow". Asked for directions at a 7-11 and finally got back on course.

To Be Continued...

Preview of Part II - "Mexico DF - Still Alive and Without Paying Bribes" & "Mexi-Hippies and Wet Sandwiches"