Montezuma's Revenge (P)revisited

Disclaimer - The following is a graphic description of a stomach illness. If you are under the age of 10 or are not into reading about graphic descriptions of bowel movements, please do not read on.

...It was markedly one of worst moments in my life.

Here's how it all began. Today was departure day. I was all set to leave and start making tracks south from L.A. to "La Frontera". First stop Venice Beach to pick up a cheap suitcase for storing all of my extra gear. Then I was off, trying to make it as far as I could in one day. There are several border crossings that are convenient when heading to Cancun. I am heading towards Brownsville, Texas, the crossing at the southern-most point of the state. I prefer crossing there because I have more driving time in the states, where the roads are much better and also because I have reception on my cell phone. This time though I need to cross there since I am picking up a friend, Mike, in San Antonio.

The drive was pretty routine. Nothing much out of the ordinary. Well, I did almost run out of gas, but besides that I spent most of the time playing with my new ipod, making phone calls and going into "road zen".

The story that leads to one of the worst moments in my life starts at a Subway sandwich shop in Indio, CA. I order - Turkey Sub (No mayo, that shit is nasty), pay the sandwich artisan and grab my hero to go. I ate half and saved the other half for later. If I had only known the repercussions for eating that damned hoagie...
About 6 hours later I am stuck in a major traffic jam outside of Tuscon, AZ. There was a major accident and I was at a full stop for about 2 hours. I was on the phone and in the middle of the conversation the onset of the "sickness" hit. My stomach started to roll and I felt bloated. The cars started to roll and I was headed east making my way towards New Mexico. Within an hour, things started to get worse. I stopped for gas and afterwards I parked the van and figured I would lay down for a while and try to shake it off. UH UH. Within 10 minutes I was outside the van puking with force. When I was finally done I was faced with a dilema - stay at the gas station and feel miserable or keep rolling. I decided to roll. Unaware that between exit 301 and exit 375 in Arizona there are no exits with gas stations or toilets, I had to make 2 unscheduled stops off the side of the interstate 10 to, how can I put this, um, shit water out of my ass. I finally rolled up to an exit with a truck stop and pulled off. I was staying there for the night. I grabbed my toiletries bag and dragged myself to the bathroom. THE HORRORS! Upon entering the bathroom the smell alone had me bolting for a stall, ready to vomit. The next 15 minutes were some of the worst in my life. I was woozy, white faced and dripping with sweat. I was hugging It was then that I noticed the music. The truck stop radio feed was bouncing off the walls and in that confined area it almost sounded as if I was listening to it underwater. It was my own personal hell - getting horribly sick in a truck stop bathroom to a soundtrack of so of the world's worst music - Don't You Want Me Baby, Cupid (Draw Back Your Bow), Seal's masterpiece - Crazy, an ad for the restaurant describing their "juicy sausage, crispy hashbrowns and fluffy farm fresh eggs and lastly, the grand finale - Phil Collin's Take, Take Me Home. After the episode ended and I gathered the strength to get up, I hobbled from the bathroom to my van and spent the night writhing on the floor and puking out of the door. One of the top 5 worst nights ever!


That night I writhed uncomfortably for about 6 hours, jumping out every once and a while to throw up behind the van. I got almost no sleep.