Damn Baby, Stop Lickin' My Neck!

Today’s activity – All day river trip. Your host today will be David the Rastafarian River Guide. David, with his long dreads and rainbow beanie, is very chill, very black and very Rasta. The trip will be an adventure down a winding, jungle river while you catch some sun and scope for huge iguanas, or “bamboo chickens” as the locals like to call them. We will begin our trip about 7 miles up river at an orange farm that used to belong to David’s great-grandfather and make our way over the course of 8 hours to the center of San Ignacio. We will make a couple of stops during the course of our trip for cliff jumping, to get some beers and to snack on freshly picked bananas and oranges.

After we finished the trip, we got to San Ignacio and went to the bar for a couple of beers before we got our ride home. I scooted around to everyone and tried to collect a tip. When I got to the Germans Frank and Sabrina, they refused to give me the $2.50 US that I was asking for and instead gave me a couple of cents a piece. Sabrina was already making her mark on me by her sly laziness (standing in the background while we were unloading the van and making it look like she was helping) and it was evident by both her and Frank’s attitudes that they were expecting something more lavish when they booked the trip. This however was Exhibit A of their cheapness. I couldn’t believe that after David had spent a whole day with us on the water, all they wanted to give him was pocket change while at the same time they were sitting and buying multiple beers.

Just a tip to those of you that come from countries where tipping is not part of the culture… In countries such as the US, Mexico, Belize, etc. it is customary to tip guides, waiters, bartenders and the like. In the states it is 15 – 20% and in Mexico it is 10 – 15%.
When you go on vacation somewhere that tipping is customary, it is not a suggestion but instead it is obligatory to tip. Coming from someone who makes a lot of his money from tips, people that don’t tip are not considered to be thrifty, they are thought of as cheap, money grubbing assholes. Nothing is more upsetting as when you spent 3-5 weeks going out of your way to make people happy – staying up late, cleaning up after people, helping them when they are sick or get their passports stolen, sacrificing your own pleasure for theirs – and in the end they totally stiff you or just give you change. Don’t get me wrong, I am not greedy, but I do have a desire to get paid and also I feel like a good tip shows the client’s appreciation for the hard work and time I invested into them having a great holiday. So, TIP PEOPLE! Sorry about the rant…

We headed back to the campground and started our New Year BBQ. Nick grilled up a bunch of chicken and burgers and we all began to drink. There was talk of going into town to celebrate, but those plans soon deteriorated as we had more and more drinks. The blender was pulled out and pina coladas and margaritas were abundant.

Weird New Year’s Eve Note: The night was fairly mild, just hanging out, drinking and talking. Sue, the 43 year-old American had started drinking early however and was very tanked come midnight. She kept hang on me and standing next to me for pictures. I was starting to feel a weird vibe from her. A little later I headed to the toilet and she started to follow me. I tried to shake her, but when I couldn’t I just started to talk to her about other people in the group. I said “Hey, looks like Jo and Laura are getting kind of friendly. Maybe they’ll hook up” and she responded with “I want to hook up with you!”. Oh Boy… I had to spend the next 10 minutes backing my way out of that situation with “I don’t mix business with pleasure…” and “I am sorry but I don’t hook up with passengers…” ramblings. She wasn’t really having it and continued the whole night to try to get me alone or lick my neck (yuck) while we were taking pictures. Curled up in my sleeping bag and then wrapped myself in my hammock and passed out in front of all my passengers to ensure some protection from a late night molestation.